The thing is I am over Mr B…
I mean it has been 2 years, the whole non-relationship relationship didn’t even last that long. It led me on a path of self-destructive self-discovery of course, painful and heart wrenching; but it cleaned away my unfortunate fairytale blemish of wanting to get back together someday.
… so this post is really a 2 years on, what the hell was I thinking, god he needs to get over himself, ode to Mr B’s existence.
I should point out that upon Mr B ending things post-not getting to cover all bases, I was a strong advocate of let’s be friends, I don’t want drama, I’m totally cool bullshit, which led to let’s never talk again I don’t want to see your face, when in fact I needed to shout profanity at his cowardly ways and turn away right at the beginning after all the “we’ll see” comments.
Putting aside the past, the thing is Mr B seems to keep making regular appearances in my life, even from continents away.. Be it a bb msg, Randomly bumping into him the night before I leave london, or him clawing at expanding his social circle to include my friends! I mean really did I try to hang out with his friends and family? No. Do I tell him we should catch up over coffee? err No.
Point being I don’t reminisce or miss anything, (which is sad really considering how I did feel about him) but I do start talking to him in my head (that may be a little sad too!) It’s only because these feelings are re-invited and they spark my one time throat clogging anger. Ringing him up now would just be odd and a bit manic, so in my head I retell him the reasons why he’s a jackass so unbeknown to himself.
Okay, so maybe I haven’t moved on 100%, but who really ever does?
Now in Mr B’s case, (there’s a backed up list of head-shaking ‘conquests’ I still need to get over), I think it’s more about me not being over him treating me like merde for a looong period of time.
How shocking- I have still retained some grains of self-confidence to judge how he should have treated me.
Truly, I am indifferent to him as a person, but I’m still working on forgiving and forgetting as a concept.
I’m also working on not dreaming of romance and the lyrics to la vie en rose when chasing the most unavailable boys.
But I do wanna wish Mr B all the best, to paraphrase him, “son bonheur”. And I hope he learns to set aside his cheap, selfish, walking on water ways.. and grows some. For his sake.