At midnight I called you by your nickname, 4 letters that rearranged meant the world to me.. just saying them used to calm my soul; like, if I needed you, you would be there instantly without me having to more than whisper it. Somehow this time, as soon as the letters left my mouth my throat clogged; like the blankness of your touch, I had lost the right to use it. And more than that, along the way of our mistake, it had lost the significance it once used to hold for me. I’m not sure if you noticed my pause… I’d like to think even though we lost each other we still know each other so well… well it felt as if the words fell a hundred miles and onto your feet. In that instant it killed me inside to call your name, a word to which I had attached so much affection and emotion, but which no longer belonged to me.
Today it just felt wrong saying it. And it saddens me, on a day I should be ecstatic… but it’s like a point being made, a silent acknowledgment that we will never have what we, well never really had, but were once on the track of. And now, past midnight, even the friendship has lost us in the struggle.
I’ll say bye and nod and forget you, because you’re no longer worth the time I had previously given you.
I am wordlessly sorry Love.
I wish with all my heart it wasn’t done Love.