this pedestal and what’s his face

So you know, if you’ll ever know, this is a re-draft
Of a copy once written and lost
But the pinch lingering
And a second try felt
Rewritting that which I should have told you, if one ever has the balls, when I could have opened up to you;
That’s some time ago now.

No wonder you didn’t surprise me,
From that first introduction I read you and can still read you 5000 miles away.
First this Hot Shot:
Confident, ignorant, not on his mind. Please.
Not really trying it on, but from the corner of his eye receptive to my actions
Learning about my habits. Yep.
More directly making comments but leaving me to do the chasing… if ever, I were to do the chasing. No.

Did I tell you “I’m not surprised”?

Once the glitter of introductions settled
And upon a deeper context, a so-called ‘friendship’
The Sensitive Guy:
Caring, wholesome, hidden talents and all.
Yes, a refreshing change, and a good-for character.
The type of guy you wouldn’t wanna let outta your life. True.
Despite a hidden agenda,
Smart enough to know that the sudden interest, questions and flattery wouldn’t buy me over
You know they never wowed me over. 

Rather, possibly. Maybe.
What did,
What did surprise me
were the: slip ups, the humour, the build up off each other in escalating conversation,
allowing me to tingle under your skin;
Your genuine inquisitive interest into my nature, despite the lack of transparency and bouts of defensive cover. Like.

Well now
Nearly forgotten,
Most recently guy who Shrugs it off:
Distinctly clear. Fully intending to make me feel like you actually don’t give a damn…
the forgotten characteristic of a man, busy and uninterested. Daym.

The effect of him, applauding successful.
In the process my imagination running wild
Presupposing the underlying reason for his actions. Me.
And correlating its coincidence with myself and my routine. Me.
Clearly I consciously want to be back on that pedestal.

If ever you’re put on it, I wouldn’t move if I were you. DO NOT BUDGE.

So persuasively your indifference won me over.
When thinking back you’re the first that comes to mind. Exaggerating.
Although conversations lingering, still making me smile with a secret
My infamous fear of being forgotten suddenly requires no highlight.
As you discarded my bearings and I am forgotten
Winning. As you were all along.

Knew it.

In my defence, pride, distance, the right context, all reasons for backing out from a softly spoken ‘babe’. Hi.

Still today your humour (a slightly faded indistinguishable memory), reverberates in my minds words
I hope today, my face and person are still resurrected in yours. Smile.

Miss Mess



About iheartmess

A Middle Eastern Londoner 20-something living the 'western' life in between London and home.
Gallery | This entry was posted in Pedestal, Secrets and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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