the manifestation of fears & heartbreak

Yo a-hole…

Did I break your heart?
Because mine is breaking, well it bRokE.
Did I act like I stopped caring?
Because I remember I loved you way too much to ever achieve that, to be able to not feel it.

Did you need me like I need you now?
Because my life is too callous without you.
Do you know how much it hurts me to think of what I’ve lost?
Because what we had was the greatest warmth I’ve received from any distance.

I can’t love you again if I have to go through this every time
I can’t have these easy tears fall each time I take myself back
I can’t act normal when my throat is permanently clogged with the memory of the mess that I caused.

I love you so much more than words and simple terms of endearment,

When your world no longer bears mine in mind,
when your actions no longer want me with you,
Nothing is, will be, how comfortable it was for you and I.

I know you hate it if I’m dramatic, so I’ll remain silent and let these feeling pass.

You hate it when I make snide remarks to make a point about our discomfort, so I’ll stop our conversations and look to blank pages.

You’ll never know it and I’ll never be able to make you understand it, the emotions that still run down my face for you.
I can’t move past it on my own, but since you’re in the deep again
I’ll step away before I hurt you more, before you tell me to.

I’m terrified of the day you tell me to my face.

I’m terrified I’ll never have, what we had, ever.

Miss Mess

xoxo

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About iheartmess

A Middle Eastern Londoner 20-something living the 'western' life in between London and home.
Gallery | This entry was posted in Fears, Miss Confidence and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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