Not uptight like me

“Am I that far from your mind?”

“You make it sound like I wasn’t the one whose heart YOU broke.”

I wish I was like you, I mean I am sometimes and that’s why, I guess, we got along. Neither of us judged the other’s intentions in approachability, laughter or good words.

I wish I was more like you, that I wasn’t the way I am to read into things so much sometimes, to believe that our actions subconsciously or consciously will always have an underlying intention. I want to be able to always do or say whatever I want to do or say because I feel like it in that moment, no thoughts or analysis.

But I can’t.

And I tried to adjust myself to maintain a friendship with you, it’s nothing but impossible. Frankly I can’t casually make conversation with you without thinking that maybe I’ll get you to like me again. I can’t be nice without believing there’s an ulterior motive in my sweet words, and that you’ll see through that too.

So I’m sorry my silence is too obvious. I can’t continue this with you, however much I want to be friends and get over the fact that you don’t want anything more, I’m not in that place yet…

Even Still.

Having said that, I have moved on from the prospect of hoping to see or hear from you. I lived with, and got used to, not having you in my life. And really I can’t have you back, taunting and trebling my over-analysis and self-consciousness. I don’t understand your actions enough to understand why you broke off all ties and why you’re okay with it all now.

“Who said I’m okay? I’m trying not to be cold too”.

Miss Mess



About iheartmess

A Middle Eastern Londoner 20-something living the 'western' life in between London and home.
This entry was posted in confused, Mr December and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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