Trust became an old game I began to get worse at

I don’t know if this works like instant messaging, but please reply now.. please read what I write and send me thoughts to distract my brash, overlapping, vehement disrepair. I really can’t sleep. I have all my fears and failures rising up choking my throat. Everyones smiles around me taunting my sadness and smashing my day old confidence. I egg on my luminous inabilities and black sense of meaning. I flash my anger at the smallest most irreverent part of my day, and then look to you to help calm my nerves. You falter in your step, turn the seconds into minutes, as I crumble over fragments of destroyed belief and vacant confidence; Over people and periods that are trifling.

Can I tell you something honestly?
I do hope you don’t go and share it with your boys, but I guess I can’t stop you..
Like you, someone else left me for another girl.

This wasn’t about moving on, nothing began but over the counter conversations and meaningful looks, just like before, things were superficially perfect, and he liked me at the time, like you had… said it in so many words, and once again just like you, he picked her instead.

Maybe you can explain him, and yourself in the process. Maybe I can finally understand, leave your bad karma, and stop caring like I do.

I think all of my anxiety and self-esteem issues will eventually de-stabalise me mentally. Forced sweetness will corrode any heart.

Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. 
I don’t even know where to start.

Miss Mess



About iheartmess

A Middle Eastern Londoner 20-something living the 'western' life in between London and home.
This entry was posted in Fears, Some ppl are just shit and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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