“Insecurity is such a turn off for me.”
I was itching to cry “your face is a turn off”, I breathed in instead; I shook my head and stayed silent; chuckled soundlessly because you are a moron.
I may be seeking your love and attention too much, but your abundant mounds of conceit left me sadly nonchalant too many times.
“You know I like u, you know I think ur hot, why do I have to say it when I show it in so many ways?” My insides burned yet again, your one text at 1.30am is meant to SHOW ME. I lied to myself that I never knew what it was exactly you wanted. I tried, even if unconvincingly, I attempted to ask for what I wanted and seek that happiness with you, just you. But in fact, I ended up having a relationship in my mind, with me, just me.
I’d done it in the past and did it again, I beat myself up and down, deleted your numbers, saved them again, deleted them once more. Shouted for you to treat me like your girlfriend. Wasted my time reminding you to call me instead of tweeting/ bbming/ facebooking the 500,000 people you’re connected with everyday. Of course I’m making this such a bigger deal; of course you do the same things that upset me over and over again.
Of course I’ll forget my anger if you come over tomorrow night!
I’ll write it now, to have it saved: I’m definitely chasing something you used to be when you first fell for me- humble, thoughtful, mature.
Say what you want, screw who you want. I’ll take my insecurity turn it into modesty before I will ever inflate my self-importance publicly.