My mind roams a surrendered battlefield .
5 days a week I deliberate over having you in my life // keeping you a phone call away // caring for you as a ‘friend’.
As soon as I stamp my heel on the gravel, shake my head to archaic social norms, grab my phone and just as I am about to post my white flag on your high walls: I stop.
Then for 4 minutes in that week, I completely understand that I have to let go, let you go, forever out of my life.
You see, I understand, but I’m belligerently defiant against my own peace.
You’re still right there, where I left you.
And in fact you stayed where you left me, right behind the door, if I knocked; reaching for my hand, if I stepped down.
This fight of ours, it’s all we’ve ever known, you and I.