I wonder if I’m over him.
I Always think about him, I mean I used to Always think about him. Every highway, every lyric, every sun ray. But now some days, I don’t think about him at All. Strangely, like today, a lot more than most days, he’s not on my mind at All.
Out of habit and loneliness, I make myself reread what I’ve written about him, what I’ve written to him. I wonder if I’m trying to remind myself of what I’ve had. What he has given me and what he took away. I wonder if I’m trying to resurrect feelings because I feel numb and careless these days. Most days.
If I close my eyes , empty my mind , look into the darkness, I feel it in my chest, the corner of my heart holds him. There is no beat, it’s just there.
There’s no guilt, that I think about other guys. There’s no pain, that he’s no longer in my life. There is sadness that I have no one, but not that I don’t have him. No more sadness for him.
I wonder if This is acceptance.