For tonight only

“Do you know what it feels like to sleep with someone knowing they don’t want to be with you forever?”

Maybe he knew. Maybe he couldn’t express it like me. Or Maybe he never entertained the idea of forever.

Well. It feels like a bullet in your heart, crushing to powder, paralyzing you neck down. Spreading slowly, firmly closing in, like clamps pressing against every molecule. The blood seeping out of you whilst you watch, crimson, soaking the sheets. You could leave before you start, leave to avoid the agony, because it’s happened before, because you know. But you lay there next to him, pretending it’s your body that won’t let you. That it’s resting. You’re just tired. After all you have someone right next to you, he’s right there. You don’t need them to touch you, you just need to know they are next to you, they aren’t the one leaving you, this time. Your mind fighting tremors of reality. Believing it’s happy. Flashback of the preceding minutes, warm palms enclosed in yours resting on his chest. And unknown to him, hiding your internal havoc. Your heart continues to bleed.

Miss Mess

xoxo

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About iheartmess

A Middle Eastern Londoner 20-something living the 'western' life in between London and home.
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2 Responses to For tonight only

  1. Audra says:

    Thank you for sharing, your posts remind me of poems. Very emotional but well written.

    Like

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