I am so scared of tomorrow, so scared of the work that I need to put in to get to my dreams. Or what if all that work means nothing, gets me nowhere. How can I fall asleep knowing I can’t control my destiny. That maybe these big dreams were never mine to be had. That maybe big things are not in my plans.
I’m trying to be brave, I’m trying so hard to be brave.
How can I think of the future, or reach for it, or successfully plan it when I’m terrified of it. I’m terrified of the one mapped out for me. I’m so convolutely against the fights, the sadness, the weakness, I don’t want it to happen for me. I don’t want it to happen to me.
And what of this emptiness I feel. Those night flashes of a soulmate, friendship, forever. In the midst of so much going on, so many people, I’m lonely here. Well this loneliness hurts less than it does there but numbs nonetheless.
Hmm. Just be brave. Be really really brave.