I like him, on paper, his profile, everything people said about him. Especially because he has that face that will grow old so handsome. But of course we were missing something. We began to lack something. I think what it was, was an inner depth.
I didn’t know his goals or dreams and well he didn’t know any of mine either. I knew he sought happiness, but who didn’t seek happiness? And likely it was about balance and maybe, mainly purpose. And if it was, I didn’t know what that all was for him. I knew he wanted spontaneity, a little midnight excitement, a lot of wit. And I wanted to give it to him, all of it, all of me; but I didn’t feel the comfort or the butterflies like before. The openness, the anticipation. Now that we were face to face, I didn’t feel that if he stopped, glanced up, he’d see through me.
And honestly I was never able to express my big, extravagant, open ended dreams to anyone .. let alone him. Only those close to me saw it, unbeknown to me, they saw it. I think because they watched the process of my life, the effort in my steps, my character towards others. They saw the person I was. I’m not sure if he saw the person I was. The ambition, the morality and the fear. I don’t know if he even cared to see any of that.