Please tell me what I should do

We’re halfway into our relationship, and I’m helpless.

I saw what life is like without you.
And all I want is: you.
The only person I think about being with is: you.

It’s true, really. Sure, I wonder about someone from my culture, and consider the introductions, the simplicity, and imagine laughing at their charm, but they are tidbits, not enough, not loyal, intelligent, generous, in love, with me.

I wish we could go back to how things were.
Just like the Royals, back to July ’16.
And the fun months that preceded.
Dinners as friends that turned into dates, drinks with friends that turned into dates. Our unplanned trips spontaneously to LA. Mornings and nights of multiple rounds. God you were the best.
The ease of knowing nothing, being consumed in your everything.

That was before I stumbled, exaggerated and crumbled it all.
I was so scared of loving you, so scared of having my heart broken;
So it made sense, I cracked it myself.
I couldn’t endure the loneliness that seemed bound.
Well it’s bound.

And now I’m obsessed, but I need distance.
I want babies, but I can’t fathom a happy aisle.

And I don’t know if we’ll recover if we break up again. Again.
I don’t want to show you my soul, then runaway, then 3 months later come back to you again.

Can you do the thinking, this time too.
Can you just tell me what we should do.

Miss Mess


About iheartmess

A Middle Eastern Londoner 20-something living the 'western' life in between London and home.
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