Did you develop a bad habit because of a past negative experience?

2 years post London; 6 years pre San Francisco:

whenever i get annoyed at you, i start missing you within the hour and i forget all about your hurful behavior. i tell myself to ‘be cool’, to not say anything because you don’t like it. and i pretend that all the fleeting fun times we had together, makes me happy. but unfortunately it was never enough for me. the day i tried to tell you that you hurt me, you wouldn’t listen to me.

during the week it’s easy for me to stop loving you. it’s easy-er to be okay with not seeing you. but those five days building make me give you everything by Thursday evening.

my tears are flowing continuously now. if only i could express myself. if i could just stop these sporadic tears. talk and tell you about the crushing.

how is there so much to tell you when i start talking to you in my head, but all these words seem immaterial after you take me to dinner and ask me to sit next to you.

i imagine i know what i want, that exact feel of your hand on my neck in a secret moment. but does that fleeting shiver really make me happy? you know i just can’t bare to lose you, but i know i can’t continue in the shadows of your rare moon either. does this mean i should leave you?

tell me who made you feel that way?
tell me why you would do this to others?
tell me who else has been here.

Miss Mess

xoxo

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About iheartmess

A Middle Eastern Londoner 20-something living the 'western' life in between London and home.
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