Did you develop a bad habit because of a past negative experience?

2 years post London; 6 years pre San Francisco:

whenever i get annoyed at you, i start missing you within the hour and i forget all about your hurful behavior. i tell myself to ‘be cool’, to not say anything because you don’t like it. and i pretend that all the fleeting fun times we had together, makes me happy. but unfortunately it was never enough for me. the day i tried to tell you that you hurt me, you wouldn’t listen to me.

during the week it’s easy for me to stop loving you. it’s easy-er to be okay with not seeing you. but those five days building make me give you everything by Thursday evening.

my tears are flowing continuously now. if only i could express myself. if i could just stop these sporadic tears. talk and tell you about the crushing.

how is there so much to tell you when i start talking to you in my head, but all these words seem immaterial after you take me to dinner and ask me to sit next to you.

i imagine i know what i want, that exact feel of your hand on my neck in a secret moment. but does that fleeting shiver really make me happy? you know i just can’t bare to lose you, but i know i can’t continue in the shadows of your rare moon either. does this mean i should leave you?

tell me who made you feel that way?
tell me why you would do this to others?
tell me who else has been here.

Miss Mess



About iheartmess

A Middle Eastern Londoner 20-something living the 'western' life in between London and home.
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