Did you develop a bad habit because of a past negative experience?

2 years post London; 6 years pre San Francisco:

whenever i get annoyed at you, i start missing you within the hour and i forget all about your hurful behavior. i tell myself to ‘be cool’, and i imagine all the fun times we had together is what makes me happy too. but unfortunately it’s not as easy as that for me. the day i tried to tell you that you hurt me, you wouldn’t hear any of it.

during the week it’s easy for me to stop loving you. it’s easy-er to be okay with not seeing you. but those five days building make me give you everything by the end of the evening.

my tears are flowing continuously now. if only i could express myself. if i could just stop these sporadic tears.

how is there so much to tell you when i start talking to you in my head, but all these words seem immaterial once i’m sitting right next to you.

i think i know what i want, that exact feel of your hand on my neck. but does that make me happy? i just can’t bare to lose you, but i know i can’t continue in the shadows of your rare moon either. does this mean i should leave you?

tell me who made you feel that way?
tell me why you would do this to others?
tell me who else has been here.

Miss Mess

xoxo

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About iheartmess

A Middle Eastern Londoner 20-something living the 'western' life in between London and home.
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