If you lose, I haven’t won

He was an incredibly smart person. Thorough, quick, logical. Anything he did, his mind was two steps ahead but still expansive enough to sufficiently consider his bases.

But when it came to the ins and outs of our relationship he was steps behind. It was disheartening, he couldn’t see the practicality of what he was doing with me. Loving me within his boundaries.

Maybe he didn’t want to think about it because he was worried if he did, and he still didn’t know how to fix us, that would mean he had lost.

I thought I needed to stay around, as he took some distance, let him figure things out. As if there was one puzzle piece lost amongst a handful of others, and he would eventually find it. He would fit us back in. He would not lose this.

But there was no piece lost, it was always missing. We alluded to it’s lack of existence, we just couldn’t admit it had never been there.

Miss Mess
xoxo

Advertisements

About iheartmess

Dear Girls (and Boys!), Boys will hurt you, a lot of them. You'll feel like your heart is breaking at age 12, at 16, and then properly at 21 and then really at 26. When it breaks again before you are 30, that will be the real one, wait for it, every single one is everything, and nothing. It’s all great and terrible, it’s all worth it...
This entry was posted in A, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s