Are you ready to move on?

I pulled out my phone, opened up our text thread, tapped till I got all the way to the top, and once again read it through. This time, not to understand how we communicated, what I said to him, when and how things took a wrong turn…but really to feel closer to him. I placed my phone open, on his last text, on my chest.

I knew I couldn’t message him to tell him I missed him, to remind him to care for me, to remind him to remember me, but I needed to feel his words close to me, to feel him close to me, even if it was through a phone screen.

I was bawling all night. Embarrassed, alone, holding it in. I willed myself to stop, to stop wanting to be with you. I begged myself to delete our conversations once and for all. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have the strength. And I wasn’t ready, I’m not ready to give you away, forever, yet, still.

— Edit: 12 months after this day, I did it. I deleted our conversations. Every single word, back and forth for three years. I think I’m ready.

Now your turn, go on, are you ready to move on?

Miss Mess

xoxo

About iheartmess

Dear Girls (and Boys!), Boys will hurt you, a lot of them. You'll feel like your heart is breaking at age 12, at 16, and then properly at 21 and then really at 26. When it breaks again before you are 30, that will be the real one, wait for it, every single one is everything, and nothing. It’s all great and terrible, it’s all worth it...
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