Does anyone else track dates?

On July 4, 2018, I lost my best friend. I made a decision that did not feel like it was me making it; I made the decision to stop. It was a hard time. Truely difficult. I had built this foundation on something I believed was so right, on someone I believed was the one. I had become one person with him. And it wasn’t so right. I wasn’t me. He wasn’t the one. I cried to him in the car, and said we needed to stop. After months of disjointed togetherness I decided to set the boundaries to not see him anymore.

On January 24, 2019, I saw him for dinner, he took me for sushi. The tears were still there. Like nothing had changed but everything had. I had sort of moved on, he had sort of not. It was a confusing time. I was angry at him. I missed having a best friend, but that night I did not miss him.

On April 21, 2019, I slept with him. He had a goodbye party. He was moving out, leaving the city. I thought this would be a good test, good end to this end. I did not pass the test. He flew in and out, I helped him pack his house. We pretended we were dating again, in the city, in Napa, in London. His energy and my energy, we were magnets. Unhealthy, self-harming, weak magnets.

August 26, 2019, I manifested it. I will move on. I am not waiting for him. I will stop holding a place in my heart for him to come back to. There is no place for him in my life. I will be happy with another partner, I will love them fully, I will have no attachment to him. Today is the end of me and him.

Miss Mess

xoxo

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About iheartmess

Dear Girls (and Boys!), Boys will hurt you, a lot of them. You'll feel like your heart is breaking at age 12, at 16, and then properly at 21 and then really at 26. When it breaks again before you are 30, that will be the real one, wait for it, every single one is everything, and nothing. It’s all great and terrible, it’s all worth it...
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