On July 4, 2018, I lost my best friend. I made a decision that did not feel like it was me making it; I made the decision to stop. It was a hard time. Truely difficult. I had built this foundation on something I believed was so right, on someone I believed was the one. I had become one person with him. And it wasn’t so right. I wasn’t me. He wasn’t the one. I cried to him in the car, and said we needed to stop. After months of disjointed togetherness I decided to set the boundaries to not see him anymore.
On January 24, 2019, I saw him for dinner, he took me for sushi. The tears were still there. Like nothing had changed but everything had. I had sort of moved on, he had sort of not. It was a confusing time. I was angry at him. I missed having a best friend, but that night I did not miss him.
On April 21, 2019, I slept with him. He had a goodbye party. He was moving out, leaving the city. I thought this would be a good test, good end to this end. I did not pass the test. He flew in and out, I helped him pack his house. We pretended we were dating again, in the city, in Napa, in London. His energy and my energy, we were magnets. Unhealthy, self-harming, weak magnets.
August 26, 2019, I manifested it. I will move on. I am not waiting for him. I will stop holding a place in my heart for him to come back to. There is no place for him in my life. I will be happy with another partner, I will love them fully, I will have no attachment to him. Today is the end of me and him.