My therapist said, our relationships go to the core of our trauma, because we seek in our partners what we need and what we are searching for within ourselves. That blew my mind.
I then told her I wanted to be angry at my ex so that I could get to the next step faster, but for some reason I couldn’t be angry at him. She said: because you love him. Again, mind blown.
I wanted to message you, though I didn’t know what to say, where to start. The easiest thing, the only thing I had to tell you was, how difficult last week was. I cried three nights in a row because of how much I felt I needed you, fists clenched wished we were still together, in a well of sadness drowning with the thought of losing the love of my life.
I know when we broke up it was for the best. I know that we were no longer helping each other grow. I know. I don’t believe it though. I still hope you will realise how strong your feelings are for me and come back to me. But I’m working on this part. I’m reading about my attachment style and your attachment style. I’m reading about the steps to go through after a breakup. I’m taking notes and thinking about it all. I’m letting myself feel sad, I’m letting myself stare at your icon for a minute a day and wonder if you were staring at my icon in that exact minute too.
I try to remember the things I had written down, I was sad when we were together. Not because of you, though it felt like it, it was because of me. It wasn’t all butterflies and soulmate and sleep and touch and serenity. I wasn’t able to communicate my needs and I never asked or understood yours.
We had a connection, and I guess we couldn’t have planned that, but it wasn’t enough. Eventually no longer for us. We both needed so much more we couldn’t give each other.