While he was in London

He whatsapped me a picture.

I clicked and stared at it for a few seconds. It was a picture of him with a vitamin drip in his right arm, half his face cut off by the frame. It hurt, looking at him hurt, conversations without him, hurt.

So I just reminded myself to notice it. This time, rather than texting him a sentimental and long message about my feelings, and wishes, and brokenness. I just noticed it. It was in the middle of my chest, center left, forced, and choking. Constant and reverberating. I kept breathing, it kept coming back up. Like our entire relationship, it felt disproportionate. His full detox to my repeated aches.

He said he was checking in to see how I was doing. To me this was 60 days since the last time we spoke (I counted them), to him this was just his morning catch up text.

Miss Mess


About iheartmess

Dear Girls (and Boys!), Boys will hurt you, a lot of them. You'll feel like your heart is breaking at age 12, at 16, and then properly at 21 and then really at 26. When it breaks again before you are 30, that will be the real one, wait for it, every single one is everything, and nothing. It’s all great and terrible, it’s all worth it...
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