a love letter to you, dear reader:

I want to share this with you and please share it back. You will feel pain, a lot of it. You will feel like your heart is breaking at age 12, at 16, and then properly at 21 and then really at 26. When it breaks again before you are 30, that will be the real one, wait for it, every single one is everything, and nothing. It’s all great and terrible, it’s all worth it.

You’ll reread “ex’s” little notes, their emails, their texts, over and over. You’ll burn inside. You’ll push your phone aside, or switch it off, so you don’t see that it’s not ringing. When you are ready you’ll delete chains of iMessages. But don’t worry, you’ll forget the feeling of shards of glass against your broken heart, and instead you’ll understand to accept things. To accept people, for all their flaws and inabilities. You’ll remember you have your own. You’ll never learn everything you need to know, you’ll repeat your mistakes. It’s okay. It’s okay if your heart breaks, just don’t be so self-critical to break it yourself. Again again. Don’t break it yourself.

You’ll realise that only what you are ready for will come to you. Dream big and wish beyond the stars and run and chase those dreams, but don’t get beaten down when your wishes take years to come true. You’ll appreciate the time it took, the lessons you learnt, the chapters you built. Just don’t give up. Spend time to clarify what you want. And this takes time. Then want it. Ask out loud for it. And just wait for it, it’ll come to you.

Be kind, be kind to everyone, especially women. Support women, introduce your best friends to your other best friends. Open up about your problems, share your fears; you don’t know how many girls or boys feel exactly how you feel, exactly when you were feeling it.

You’ll have one best friend you will always remember, you will tell everyone the story, the one who broke your friendship. It’s because she was going through her own demons. You couldn’t see it then, it takes you a long time to forgive them, but you will. Don’t ever let that story make you hard and harsh with others. Take that story, find the people who are good to you, good for you, women and men, keep them in your life.

And finally, you are gonna try to do it all. Study, work, decorate your home, date, be a better girlfriend, boyfriend, sister, brother, daughter, son, get married, have kids, travel, all at the same time. And it’s gonna be hard. And it’s gonna make you cry your entire drive to work, whilst on the plane back, when you’re alone 11pm at night. And people will say “man up”, people will pretend they are doing it all, it will seem this is all easy and only you are struggling. You are not.

This is all I can tell you now, my story is still being written. My lessons are still being learnt. I’ll touch base and update you in a few years.

Miss Mess