Tag Archives: dating

Can you hear me?

We had been together for a little bit. You know, exchanged numbers, off bumble, one date in, lots of texts, and once a day FaceTimes. In that small space we had a level of knowing. Okay, I had a level … Continue reading

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Be still.

He was still there, in my fucking heart. I scrolled through my calendar to see how long it had been. I typed “surf lesson” in the search bar; that was the day after the last time I saw him, nearly … Continue reading

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Steps of Kindness

I wish you an abundance of energy, tranquility, love and real kindness. I truly hope you can live your life the way you want to. With achievement and stability and inner compassion. Thanks for teaching me more about myself. The … Continue reading

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Learning to say I Love You

I may have said I love you, once, maybe twice, in our entire three years together. Near the end, because he started to feel like family, I would say “love you, bye!” You know, like when you hang up the … Continue reading

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Feel Something

On the 4th Sunday, in my empty bed, I hurt myself. I lay there, feeling drained and overpowered by a beating in my head. I was flooded by an urgent need to make myself see things, things that my eyes … Continue reading

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Protect Your Heart

For my Sunday workouts, when I lived down in LA, I used to hike this popular path going up a steep canyon. The hike itself was a joy and the views up were beautiful. Walking towards the park entrance, there … Continue reading

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From lovers to friends

And today, this is what I wanted. This special kind of friendship. I may not have been able to ask for what I want, or make the decision out loud, but I knew how to guide it. To here. With … Continue reading

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Five steps of heartbreak

1. Clarity – I left yoga feeling so clear about breaking up with you. About the decision I finally made. What I should do. The words I should use. Finally clear about what I needed and how unaligned we were. … Continue reading

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The Big Stuff

Exactly at 9pm I walked into his friend’s newly opened bar. The neighbourhood was grungy but the bar was impressive, spacious, light wood, retractable ceilings. The group hadn’t arrived yet. Of course he was late to his own goodbye party. … Continue reading

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Am I jealous of your baby?

This one was hard to admit… I had a thought that made it clear to me that we shouldn’t be together. Loving him too much, hurt, not just me, but everything. Turns out when he sent me a picture of … Continue reading

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Break ups in cars with questions

This week has been difficult. And I know you would love to hear me tell you that. That I miss you. That I’ve needed to message you. That this shit is hard without you. Why do we need a reminder … Continue reading

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Going through and through and through our reckoning

I started to imagine we would have the most incredible, last night together. You moving out next Wednesday and our future over since last Thursday. In our fickle, forever relationship, I pictured one, last, fun, full of conversation night. I clung to the … Continue reading

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It felt mean, because I thought it was mean

Tonight was the worst. I felt like he punched me straight in my stomach. I had no idea who the girl was who answered his phone. It was unintentional. Poorly planned. Hours of partying, bathroom powder breaks. Unwinding of a … Continue reading

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This one is for you P

I’m having those thoughts again. Sad, lonely, empty heart, thoughts. Sad that he wasn’t the person for me. What I needed was consistency and daily connection. It was simple, I needed daily connection. When I finally understood he couldn’t give … Continue reading

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Lesson #4257: ask for what you want

How can you improve me? What can you teach me about life? Do you want to take this journey with me? What can you give me? What can you do for me? I want you to make me feel confident, … Continue reading

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Poetic Sadness

It was the strangest thing. Thinking about getting to the place where I would be okay, where I would no longer be sad, where I would move on from him, – made me cry. It made me inconsolable. Was it … Continue reading

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One Summer Wedding

They left the dance floor, went through the kitchen and took the hidden steps up to the expansive roof in the middle of downtown LA. It was completely empty when they got up there. It was still light out, the … Continue reading

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InstaPain

In modern times like these, our wolds are so converging, so connected, so easy to feel pain. He posted a picture, of a picture, of a girl in Mykonos, with the caption: “I met the most beautiful girl in the … Continue reading

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Does anyone else track dates?

On July 4, 2018, I lost my best friend. I made a decision that did not feel like it was me making it; I made the decision to stop. It was a hard time. Truely difficult. I had built this … Continue reading

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Are you ready to move on?

I pulled out my phone, opened up our text thread, tapped till I got all the way to the top, and once again read it through. This time, not to understand how we communicated, what I said to him, when … Continue reading

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