Tag Archives: Diary

Learning to say I Love You

I may have said I love you, once, maybe twice, in our entire three years together. Near the end, because he started to feel like family, I would say “love you, bye!” You know, like when you hang up the … Continue reading

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Feel Something

On the 4th Sunday, in my empty bed, I hurt myself. I lay there, feeling drained and overpowered by a beating in my head. I was flooded by an urgent need to make myself see things, things that my eyes … Continue reading

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The Big Stuff

Exactly at 9pm I walked into his friend’s newly opened bar. The neighbourhood was grungy but the bar was impressive, spacious, light wood, retractable ceilings. The group hadn’t arrived yet. Of course he was late to his own goodbye party. … Continue reading

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Is it because I don’t have my own baby, I’m jealous of everyone else’s?

This one was hard to admit… I had a thought that made it clear to me that we shouldn’t be together. Like loving him too much hurt, not just me, but everything. Turns out when he sent me a picture … Continue reading

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Break ups in cars with questions

This week has been difficult. And I know you would love to hear me tell you that. That I miss you. That I’ve needed to message you. That this shit is hard without you. Why do we need a reminder … Continue reading

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Going through and through and through our reckoning

I started to imagine we would have the most incredible, last night together. You moving out next Wednesday and our future over since last Thursday. In our fickle, forever relationship, I pictured one, last fun, full of conversation night. I clung to, even … Continue reading

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It felt mean, because I thought it was mean

Tonight was the worst. I felt like he punched me straight in my stomach. I had no idea who the girl was who answered his phone. It was unintentional. Poorly planned. Hours of partying, bathroom powder breaks. Unwinding of a … Continue reading

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